Male driving logic?

Riding in the car  with my husband I have noticed he does quite a bit of complaining about the  other guys’ lack of driving skills.

There is usually a running commentary on how inept they are and a general pointing out of all their many personality flaws.

Laughing, I point out that when he makes the exact same screw ups – that it is  somehow different.

He said I finally understood male logic?

This is what I think I understand:

Male logic:

When I screw up there is always a reason for the screw up that is beyond my control.

When the other guy screws up he is inept, a stupid moron, a pathetic loser, has oatmeal for brains, and he can best be described by a lot of unprintable unrepeatable names.

So, guys did I get that one right?

Bored!

I am bored!

“So what?” -You are thinking- EXACTLY!

That is why being bored is so boring!

I could get up and do something-isn’t complaining, something?

Hardly productive, but is something!

I could clean the house, but after all it has gone this long without it, what can a few more weeks  hurt?

I could work on and turn in that assignment for my writing class, but that’s not due for 3 days-why rush it?

No one is on Twitter; okay, I see how stupid that sounds!

Someone is always on Twitter, but no one wants to play!

Facebook is quiet as well, family is probably sleeping, which is what I should be doing instead of complaining about how bored I am!

I could write a rant about how bored I am-BINGO!

Still bored………………………

Bad blog post! Whatever you do do not read this one!

A VERY BAD BLOG POST! WHATEVER YOU DO-DO NOT READ THIS ONE!

 

After pouring time, effort, thought, and hard work trying to write a blog that is entertaining and readable, getting little to no results thought I would try reverse psychology.

I am attempting to write a very bad blog post and maybe some one will like it and read it and make a comment or hate it and make a comment I do not care and in case you have not guessed yet my first attempt for bad blogging is this very long very boring run on sentences with bad punctuation?!

Anyone can spell badly and I am a natural at it just can not get out of habit of using spell checkers.

The real question is: What subject matter can I use to bore you to tears?- Golf?

Don’t know enough about the game because I never learned to play because it is so freaking boring!

If you like golf sorry.

Really, I am sorry you like golf.

The mind numbing dribble I have to read for  my online classes?

Well I don’t  like to be cruel. Not even for the sake of a bad blog post.

The never ending sameness of my boring pathetic life?

– WE HAVE A WINNER!-

Today I got up, ate breakfast, did dishes, took a shower, cleaned the office, drank the proper amount of water, did online classes, wasted two much time on twitter and Facebook, did laundry all friggen day because we just got the dryer fixed!

Posted my blog site information a dozen times or so on the above websites, read a few blog sites by other bloggers-commented on one,  I also ate lunch and dinner, played Sorry with the family, watched a movie with my daughter, wasted more time on twitter and face book, and wrote this pathetic excuse for a post.

Sometime in the far recess of the night my head will hit the pillow and tomorrow it can start again!

First I have to waist even more time on twitter.

I can honestly say that this is a pathetic waste of blog space, something I can not recommend or be proud of and if you skipped all that went  on before this insane rambling closing statement then you just saved yourself a lot of aggregation and needless mind numbing.

Disclaimer: If you are now angry because you did read this pathetic waste of blog space and feel you have been cheated out of your precious time all I can say is well I warned you in the header not to read it so you only have yourself to blame!

Why in the world are you still reading this? I am headed back on twitter.

Not so fast McGimpsey you can’t pee in our town!

I used to think of Shepherd, Michigan as a hospitable town.

I used to look forward to attending their  Maple Syrup Festival, I mean who doesn’t like maple syrup?

That was until this year, when they decided that you could no longer pee in their town, at least during the festival.

I partly blame myself, I could have gone at the Mc Donald’s a little ways out of town, but there was a big line up and I thought: “I can wait.”

We stopped at the Family Dollar store, thinking that they would not have as big of a line, that part was true, but both bathrooms were conveniently out of order- just in time for the hordes that were descending like locusts to attend the festival.

So, I thought, the gas station, we can go there! Both gas stations were closed by the good people of Shepherd.

We noticed that The Untied Methodist church was having a craft sale,  a church is a public building, it must have facilities, but there was no place to park!

By this time it is getting more and more doubtful that I could hold it.

My husband after circling the block, a couple of times, decided that the safest bet would be to just let me out and then go and find a place to park.

When I got to the entrance of the church there was a sign that said,

“No public bathrooms”

A church!? -Man alive! -Where is your Christian Charity!

They locked up the toilets! That just is not right!

After taking a motor tour of the whole town, we spotted the ball diamond at the local high school, they have facilities!

Saved! -Not so fast McGimpsey! –The city locked those up, too!

At this point, my son, observed that this would have made an excellent “Monty Python” sketch!-Good lord, boy! – Don’t make me laugh!

Someone in this friggen town could make a killing by renting out the family bathroom during the festivities.

($5 dollars please and if you want toilet paper or hand soap that will cost you extra!)

We spy another craft show at St. Vincent’s! Oh, please! I prayed! Oh, please!

I was a little hesitant to stop at St. Vincent’s, after all I am Protestant, but pushing denominational concerns aside, I decided  to take a chance; it was fast becoming  a question of not where but when!

They did indeed have public bathrooms!  Yippee! –Not so fast McGimpsey!

I couldn’t use it,  someone had fainted in there and it was blocked! (Probably fainted from waiting too long to use a toilet)

Desperation must have showed on my face because a nice lady gave me directions to another set of facilities in the building – Oh, Thank you lady!

But, what happened when I found it?

I felt like I was going to cry. Something was definitely going to get wet in any case!

I   tried nonchalantly  whispering to a lady of  my predicament.

Not being the subtle type, she loudly shouted, for the whole craft buying public to hear, “Just use the mens room I’ll watch out for ya!”

She did, and I did what I had to, and whoever that lady was I owe her a huge debt of “relief”!

The trouble with nails.

I bought some nails, no not the kind from the hardware store the press on type.

I have been trying to get in touch with my girly side, middle age thing? (Possibly)

They looked real “cool” in the package and it says right on the package easy to apply!

Yeah! Easy- I can do that!

The packaging was not easy to open, but a combination of swearing, sweating, and biting through the package finally gave me access to the easy press on nails! ( Nothing says “feminine” like biting through plastic packaging and swearing like a sailor)

They do not warn you on the package that once you get more than two of the press on nails glued in place it is not so easy to pick up the pretty little nails and glue them to your own not so pretty chewed up nails.

I had not done anything like this for years, so I am kinda outta practice. ( Outta, is too a real word!)

The nail on my left ring finger did not look right for some reason….hmmm…

Oh well, I went out with hubby and daughter and got a soda with them.

Only on returning home did I realize what I had done wrong!

I had glued a big nail where a little nail should be, big nail is for the thumb, not for the ring finger. ( At least I learned something!)

The package says you have to use nail polish remover to remove the offending nail.

I do not have any nail polish remover –So, my big nail where a little nail should be is here to stay, at least until I get to the store!

Being a girl is hard!

Rules for laughing!

Laughing is great!

Giggling is fun!

You should do one or both every day!

I love a good laugh!

 Yes, indeed, I do!

But, just like anything else it can be overdone.

A few rules to remember:

 1.Inappropriate laughing makes others angry

2. Fake laughing is annoying

3. Giggling at everything can make others want to scream:  “Please, just shut the heck up!”

1. WHEN LAUGHING IS NOT DEEMED APPROPRIATE.

Laughing at a funeral is not a good idea, unless someone is intentionally telling a funny story to ease the tension, then a light tittering maybe appropriate, but knee slapping, poking others in the ribs, and howling like a demented wolf baying at the moon is not.  You just may end up in a casket yourself, so just refrain or leave the service.

You can cover up the fact that you’re an insensitive creep, by covering your mouth to hide the laughter and looking ill, so those who see you leaving will think you’re so broke up about the death you are going to have to vomit.

But, you will have to do this before any knee slapping or rib poking has occurred or your cover is blown and no amount of fake crying will help you.

2. GIGGLING GONE WRONG

Giggling can be cute and alluring if it is done right.

Giggling at everything and saying how funny someone is every other sentence is just plain annoying.

Scene the first date: Brad just made a little joke.

Lisa’s response: “OH, BRAD YOU ARE SOOOOOOOOOO FUNNY!” *Giggle*…*giggle*…*giggle*…*giggle*…..*giggle*…..*giggle*…*giggle*…*giggle*!

“OH BRAD YOU ARE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUNNY!”  *GIGGLE*…*GIGGLE*…

By that point Brad has had enough and has just gotten the heck out of there!

3. THE FAKE LAUGH- ARE THEY JUST NOT GETTING IT? OR TO POLITE TO SAY: “NOT FUNNY, DUMB BUTT!”

The fake laugh makes one instantly uneasy, you’re not sure if they hate the joke and are too polite to say so, or if they just don’t get it and so they are over compensating by screwing up their faces in strange and unusual ways and laughing in a manner that makes you wonder if their head is about to spin completely around.

Either way it is very annoying.

Stunned silence at your stupidity would be better than a fake bout of laughter from an insincere nincompoop.

So, remember if you’re going to laugh-to laugh responsibly!

  Make sure your laughter is appropriate and sincere and if you’re not sure how or when to giggle – for heavens sakes just refrain!