I used to think of Shepherd, Michigan as a hospitable town.
I used to look forward to attending their Maple Syrup Festival, I mean who doesn’t like maple syrup?
That was until this year, when they decided that you could no longer pee in their town, at least during the festival.
I partly blame myself, I could have gone at the Mc Donald’s a little ways out of town, but there was a big line up and I thought: “I can wait.”
We stopped at the Family Dollar store, thinking that they would not have as big of a line, that part was true, but both bathrooms were conveniently out of order- just in time for the hordes that were descending like locusts to attend the festival.
So, I thought, the gas station, we can go there! Both gas stations were closed by the good people of Shepherd.
We noticed that The Untied Methodist church was having a craft sale, a church is a public building, it must have facilities, but there was no place to park!
By this time it is getting more and more doubtful that I could hold it.
My husband after circling the block, a couple of times, decided that the safest bet would be to just let me out and then go and find a place to park.
When I got to the entrance of the church there was a sign that said,
“No public bathrooms”
A church!? -Man alive! -Where is your Christian Charity!
They locked up the toilets! That just is not right!
After taking a motor tour of the whole town, we spotted the ball diamond at the local high school, they have facilities!
Saved! -Not so fast McGimpsey! –The city locked those up, too!
At this point, my son, observed that this would have made an excellent “Monty Python” sketch!-Good lord, boy! – Don’t make me laugh!
Someone in this friggen town could make a killing by renting out the family bathroom during the festivities.
($5 dollars please and if you want toilet paper or hand soap that will cost you extra!)
We spy another craft show at St. Vincent’s! Oh, please! I prayed! Oh, please!
I was a little hesitant to stop at St. Vincent’s, after all I am Protestant, but pushing denominational concerns aside, I decided to take a chance; it was fast becoming a question of not where but when!
They did indeed have public bathrooms! Yippee! –Not so fast McGimpsey!
I couldn’t use it, someone had fainted in there and it was blocked! (Probably fainted from waiting too long to use a toilet)
Desperation must have showed on my face because a nice lady gave me directions to another set of facilities in the building – Oh, Thank you lady!
But, what happened when I found it?
I felt like I was going to cry. Something was definitely going to get wet in any case!
I tried nonchalantly whispering to a lady of my predicament.
Not being the subtle type, she loudly shouted, for the whole craft buying public to hear, “Just use the mens room I’ll watch out for ya!”
She did, and I did what I had to, and whoever that lady was I owe her a huge debt of “relief”!