Slinging Groceries and Lying.

I found this piece I had written when I still worked at that grocery store, the one that  I  had mentioned in my last blog post. Since I had nothing else, I thought why not post it? And so, I have.

Since starting my current job of providing my community with life sustaining foodstuffs at a fair price (Okay, I’m a grocery clerk) I have become a liar.

Sure, I have lied before, but never daily unless it was football season where I’d pretend to be interested.

Every day is full of lies and is fact a requirement for keeping the job.

When someone asks you, “How is your day going?” The correct answer does not resemble the truth. That is how I lost the last 6 jobs.


When you first arrive a manger greets you with a “How is Rachael today?”

If you want to keep your job, you don’t say, “It was great until I got this sucky job”

Nope, you lie and say something like  “It is just peachy.”

Just make sure you don’t say it too sarcastically.

Although, evidence seems to contradict it, the managers just may be bright enough to catch on, so be careful.

Through out the day you will be required to lie.

Several times in fact.

Image result for Free to use tired out lady

Not me, but how I felt.

Customer one: “How are you today?Correct answer: “I’m just great, how are you?”
Truthful answer: “How the hell do you think? I’m a 46-year-old who couldn’t land a real job, my life sucks.”

Customer Two: “Sorry, I was so much trouble.” Correct answer: “No problem, glad to help” Truthful answer: “So, am I.”

Customer Three: “Sorry, but you could help find such and such?” (They don’t really sell such and such at the store; it’s an example) Correct answer: “Of course sir/miss/madam I’d be happy to do that for you” Truthful answer: “Can’t you read? See those signs above the aisle…Look up, problem solved.”

Customer Four: “Why are you trying to cheat me?” Correct answer: “The cashier must have made a mistake we will gladly refund your money” Truthful answer: “Are you really that dumb? Do you really think we spend our time trying to figure out how to cheat you out of .99 cents?”

Customer Five: “Sorry, to have to pay for these $55.99 worth of groceries all in pennies.” Correct answer: “That is alright, money, is money after all” Truthful answer: “I am sorry, too! Now I’ll be counting down my drawer until midnight! Don’t you people know the concept of a bank?”

And there you have it a glimpse into my days a grocery clerk, which were, thankfully short-lived.  Do you have to lie on your job? Do you just lie for fun?

New Job and Random Thoughts

I  have been pretty sporadic in my postings of late and I failed to inform my readers that I no longer work at the grocery store; in fact I have not for some time.
I would like to say I have moved on to more lofty pursuits, but actually I am working for the same low pay in another dead end.

My new job is delivering food trays to patients at our local hospital and although the pay rate has not increased for me, the atmosphere is much better.

The grocery was okay if you enjoy working with managers who talk like kindergarteners, gossip to employees about other employees, and if you like working with other drones e.g. burnt-out and unmotivated employees.

If you enjoy a shopping experience that resembles a badly organized circus with the head clowns on acid, then I highly recommend that you shop there.

My new job is kind of momentous and I often work by myself as I deliver food trays and then turn around and pick up the dirty trays.
This leaves me time to think. Thinking can be good, but inside the strange and wacky world I call my mind, it can be down right absurd.

After a few days of working on my own, I discovered that the wheels on the metal cart, that I use to deliver the trays ,sounds pretty darn close to the wooden cart wheels as they roll along gathering the dead in that famous 1970’s movie with the Monty Python troop.

I began to think it may be funny to call out, as I am picking up the dirty trays, in a very bad British accent, of course, “Bring out your dead.”
But, then reflecting this was a hospital, I decided that this was probably not the best idea I ever had.

Sometimes, something very silly can trigger a weird thought while at work. I blame Bugs Bunny cartoons. Below is a clip, its relevance will be explained below:


Someone ordered mashed potatoes. So what, you are probably thinking, if so congratulations you are sane.
The cook forgot the gravy. So what, you are probably thinking again.
If so, watch the clip again.

It took all my willpower not to deliver it with a smirk declaring, “This time we didn’t forget the gravy.”

So, do you have random thoughts at work? Did you remember the gravy?

Breathing Still and Writing Poetry

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I thought it may be time to let people know, that yes, I am, in fact still alive.

I have been working and schooling and sometimes just sitting around on my ass.

I have entered a couple of writing contests one for short story and one for poetry. Both have cash prizes. Little bitty cash prizes, but for me it is all about the art. (Insert Sardonic laughter here)

I have also been writing on another site. Forgive me WordPress you were not quite enough and so I have been having a writing affair with AllPoetry.

I like the site, they have contests just for the sake of it, no cash prizes, but it is a way to get some feedback from fellow poetry lovers and writers.

Yes, some of it is well…not so… okay… it is horrible, but some of it is really good, like my friend Puck’s stuff. 

So, if you like to read or write poetry check it out.

And if you want you check out my profile , on AllPoetry you can do so, here.

Do you write poetry? Read poetry? Hate it? Love it? Don’t really care?

Top Searches/ The All Time Bizarre

Businessman at work tries to understand internet terms - stock photo This is my first post devoted to bizarre search terms.  Why haven’t I done so before? Well , a fellow blogger, Daniel Nest , does it so well on his own blog, that I know I have no chance to compete with his brilliance. If you are not reading his excellent blog: Nest Expressed, you should. That being said, I happened to glance at the top searches that found the blog this week: “mental institution room”, “lost emoticon”, “fed up wives”, and  “grumpy old men clipart”. You cannot get much more bizarre than that. I mean how many people would type in “mental institution room” or “lost emoticon” ? That got me thinking about the many bizarre terms that over the last two-years have helped people find their way to my blog, terms like: “insane cartoon”, “frustrated cartoon faces” and “ha ha ha laughing”. My top search term over the last two years was:“cartoon cookies”, really? Damn I am boring. Terms for “Winged monkeys”  or the like have shown up over 400 times! You write one story, geesh! :/ Just why theses particular terms would redirect people to this blog, while searches such as …well, let’s just say...”Writer genius” or “Hysterically funny blog” have not shown up is a mystery to me. No I get the strange and unusual like “can i go to the bathroom please”, “I need to pee”, or “can I go to the toilet,please?” I  didn’t really think my blog was that crappy or that some of you out there needed my permission to relive yourself or why you would think that I even wanted to know you had to pee? Some terms kinda hurt my feelings a bit like “bizarre heels”, “pest smiley”, “stupid smiley face” and “sick brain” , I mean was that necessary? I must make some people smile if these terms that showed up over 17 times helped you find your way to this blog; “female smiley faces“, “flirt smiley”, “silly smiley faces” , and “smiley faces winking” But some terms just came here to mock me with threats of running away: “running away cartoon”, “man running away” and “cartoon guy running away”…I am sensing a theme..they are all male and all running away…not good for the ego. :( Some terms seemed to be trying to tell me something, they sound more like commands than search terms: “laugh face”,( What if my face doesn’t feel like laughing, huh?) “raise your hand clip art” (I wonder if they know clipart are not alive ?) , and “stop do not touch” (Don’t worry you pretty little head about that last one) All I have to say in conclusion is: please cartoon man don’t run away no more and laugh, face! ;)

Another New Year is Coming.

Vector 2015 Happy New Year background with gold clock - stock vector

Well, it is almost the New Year and I guess  that  it is usually traditional to make some kind of a list of what you want to accomplish or to change in the upcoming new year.

I never really make any New Years resolutions….but, I do try to improve each year as a person, it really is my only goal.

A goal, that , depending on the year may encompass many smaller goals.

I may take up healthier eating habits, exercising more, or try getting up earlier ; then again I might fail at something.

I am learning that last thing is okay and the world will not end when I do. Not so long ago I would not have even tried to leave my comfort zones.

Now, I try, I fall on my ass, and I get back up again. (Repeat) Still, it is better than not trying and sitting around on my ass.

So, no vows from me this year only a promise to myself to keep improving and keep getting back up again.

Any New year’s resolutions for you? Goals? Whatever?

Christmas Songs That Ain’t.

Snowman and snowy backdrop. - stock vector

Every year around this time we are bombarded by lame Christmas songs and if that wasn’t bad enough some of them have absolutely nothing to do with Christmas at all.

There is no Merry Christmas, no wise men following a star, nothing religious, not even a Happy Holidays or a Happy  New Years.

So ,why aren’t these tunes considered winter songs? Well, think about it, that sounds damn stupid! That is why!

Below is a list of four different “Christmas”songs that ain’t and my grinchy sarcastic commentary on the songs.

1. Let it snow. (Why? Just why?)

There is nothing in this song about Christmas just a couple who can’t seem to say goodbye to each other while the idiots let their fire die in a snowstorm. How are they going to pop that corn on a dead fire? Why’d they bring that up right before they needed to go home, anyway? I hope he doesn’t have to far to go because despite all that huggin’ and kissin’ unless he is just right down the street chances are he is not going to be warm all the way home.

2. Walking in a Winter Wonderland (What is so wonderful about it?)

Seeing a pattern? All these goofy songs are about snow or winter NOT Christmas. I that this heard this song was written about Michigan. I have lived in Michigan my whole life and winters here are not what I would call “wonderful”. Perhaps some people, somewhere like digging out of snow drifts, dealing with freezing rain, and all those other “wonderful” winter things. Anyway, there is nothing about Christmas in this Christmas song. Just another couple of idiots who think a snowman ,if they christen him Parson Brown, can marry them. I don’t think that would be a legal union even in Michigan.

3. It’s a Marshmallow World in the Winter (Groans..audibly)

May I make the case that it is NOT a marshmallow world in the winter? You just try sticking any of the wet white stuff in your cocoa. I guarantee it will not taste like a marshmallow. This song does not only have nothing to do with Christmas ,it is plain stupid. Have you ever seen a sun shining “red” like a pumpkin’s head? Pumpkins are orange, okay? Pumpkins do not have heads.I rest my case.

4.Jingle Bells (Yes, I know..we have all been tricked into thinking this is some kind of essential Christmas song, well…it ain’t)

Sorry to burst anyone’s bubble out there, but this song, despite what you have been lead to believe, makes no mention of anything Christmasy. There is snow, there is a sleigh, and there is jingling bells. But, there is not one mention of a Happy Holiday, Santa, reindeer, Christmas trees, lights, or stars. It is just a song about lunatics laughing and singing in freezing cold weather whilst taking a sleigh ride.

Any Christmas songs you love? Hate? Don’t think should be classified as a Christmas song?

It is Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas… Grumble!!

 

It is November, not December.

It is still Autumn not Winter.

It is almost Thanksgiving not Christmas.

So why am I wearing a hat,scarf, mittens, heavy coat, and boots?

Because I live in Michigan…that is why!

Isn’t it bad enough that they are playing Christmas movies on The Hallmark Channel already?

Enough that Christmas music is floating through every one of our department stores speakers?

Enough that the decorations and other Christmasy things have been on display since October?

Did we really need the snow? Grumbles….

How do you feel about wintry weather? Are you loving it? Or are you like me who says: “Bah…humbug!”