Boring Post

Yeah, I don’t post much these days.

What do you mean you have not noticed?

I have been kinda blue and fairly lazy.

Who cares?  Well…I’m sure somebody, somewhere does, possibly.

It is hard to rant these days, even in a insane way and even harder to muse bizarrely.

Yeah, I agree, that last sentence was rather bizarre.

I work, eat, exercise, watch TV, sleep, repeat most days. Yeah I’m living the dream.

No, I wouldn’t call it a nightmare, just boring as hell.

I leave you with a clip of someone more boring than me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah I know it is hard to believe but here is the proof:

There are 3 parts to this speech, but if you make it all the way to the end of this first one you are probably more boring than either of us.

Please note I am not endorsing either religion or atheism , it is just a boring speech ….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Options for Dealing with the Difficult

If you are like me and who isn’t?
Who just shouted out “normal people ,that is who”?
You may get annoyed when that certain know-it-all-but –really –knows-nothing -person, tries to run your life for you.
Never mind they have been married six times and all five ex-wives are suing for back alimony or child support. (Exaggerated example, explaining for the humorless)
Never mind that she has had 5 relationships in the past month.
No, they still know best about what you should be doing and they ain’t afraid to tell you.
So, what should you do?
You could try these different strategies:

Image result for Free to use clip art of a woman in disguise
A. Avoid them at all costs even to the point of pretending you don’t see them at the next family get together or other social functions. (Difficult, but be creative by wearing an eye patch and baseball cap and mumbling when they approach you with, “And just who in the hell are you? “ Of course if they find you out, then you are screwed)


B. Tell them to go to that hot place in the crudest language you can think of. (Sure, you may alienate your mom, dad, siblings, or mutual friends, but being alone forever is worth it, isn’t it?)


C. Grin and Bear it, then get a big stick and bash their head in. ( Besides a repeat of the consequences for option B, jail may be in your future, but you would have a lot of time away from the one annoying you)


D. Put on your big girl panties or big boy briefs and tell them that you are okay and that you know they mean well, (a lie, most likely), but you are doing fine. (Sure this option sucks, but it is the only one were you don’t end up looking like an ass, going to jail, or alienating your whole family or circle of friends)

So, which option are you choosing? Have one of your own?

My Favorite Scenes (Guest Post)

Is this another parody?

Yes,but this time my brother, Oliver wrote it.

So, it is about Star Wars, I suppose?

Why, so it is.

I am seeing a pattern if you write it there is  a 50/50 percent chance it will be a Beatles tune and if your brother writes it is will be about Star Wars?

Pretty much sums it up….

And with that I bring you:

Image result for Free to use clip art millenium falcon

My Favorite Scenes(original My Favorite Things by Rogers & Hammerstein)

Snow flakes on Hoth & whiskers on Chewie
Use the force Luke & the Death Star’s Ka-blewie
Luke staring at the sunsets on Tatooine
These are a few of my favorite scenes

Obi-Wan disappearing as a lightsaber slashes
Han frozen in carbonite & downward he crashes
Leia telling Tarkin they’re on Dantooine
These are a few of my favorite scenes

The Max Rebo Band featuring Sny Snoodles
Artoo communicating with whistles & tootles
Alderaan destroyed by a laser beam
These are a few of my favorite scenes

When the Empire strikes!
Racing speeder bikes!
When Luke loses his hand!
But, I think my most favorite scene Is the Cantina Band!

When the Empire strikes!
Racing speeder bikes!
When Luke loses his hand!
But, I think my most favorite scene Is the Cantina Band!

So, there you have it another parody by my wittle brother Oliver…give him some love in the comment below.

And in case you never heard the real song here is Julie Andrews as Maria in The Sound of Music to sing My Favorite Things:

Slinging Groceries and Lying.

I found this piece I had written when I still worked at that grocery store, the one that  I  had mentioned in my last blog post. Since I had nothing else, I thought why not post it? And so, I have.

Since starting my current job of providing my community with life sustaining foodstuffs at a fair price (Okay, I’m a grocery clerk) I have become a liar.

Sure, I have lied before, but never daily unless it was football season where I’d pretend to be interested.

Every day is full of lies and is fact a requirement for keeping the job.

When someone asks you, “How is your day going?” The correct answer does not resemble the truth. That is how I lost the last 6 jobs.


When you first arrive a manger greets you with a “How is Rachael today?”

If you want to keep your job, you don’t say, “It was great until I got this sucky job”

Nope, you lie and say something like  “It is just peachy.”

Just make sure you don’t say it too sarcastically.

Although, evidence seems to contradict it, the managers just may be bright enough to catch on, so be careful.

Through out the day you will be required to lie.

Several times in fact.

Image result for Free to use tired out lady

Not me, but how I felt.

Customer one: “How are you today?Correct answer: “I’m just great, how are you?”
Truthful answer: “How the hell do you think? I’m a 46-year-old who couldn’t land a real job, my life sucks.”

Customer Two: “Sorry, I was so much trouble.” Correct answer: “No problem, glad to help” Truthful answer: “So, am I.”

Customer Three: “Sorry, but you could help find such and such?” (They don’t really sell such and such at the store; it’s an example) Correct answer: “Of course sir/miss/madam I’d be happy to do that for you” Truthful answer: “Can’t you read? See those signs above the aisle…Look up, problem solved.”

Customer Four: “Why are you trying to cheat me?” Correct answer: “The cashier must have made a mistake we will gladly refund your money” Truthful answer: “Are you really that dumb? Do you really think we spend our time trying to figure out how to cheat you out of .99 cents?”

Customer Five: “Sorry, to have to pay for these $55.99 worth of groceries all in pennies.” Correct answer: “That is alright, money, is money after all” Truthful answer: “I am sorry, too! Now I’ll be counting down my drawer until midnight! Don’t you people know the concept of a bank?”

And there you have it a glimpse into my days a grocery clerk, which were, thankfully short-lived.  Do you have to lie on your job? Do you just lie for fun?

New Job and Random Thoughts

I  have been pretty sporadic in my postings of late and I failed to inform my readers that I no longer work at the grocery store; in fact I have not for some time.
I would like to say I have moved on to more lofty pursuits, but actually I am working for the same low pay in another dead end.

My new job is delivering food trays to patients at our local hospital and although the pay rate has not increased for me, the atmosphere is much better.

The grocery was okay if you enjoy working with managers who talk like kindergarteners, gossip to employees about other employees, and if you like working with other drones e.g. burnt-out and unmotivated employees.

If you enjoy a shopping experience that resembles a badly organized circus with the head clowns on acid, then I highly recommend that you shop there.

My new job is kind of momentous and I often work by myself as I deliver food trays and then turn around and pick up the dirty trays.
This leaves me time to think. Thinking can be good, but inside the strange and wacky world I call my mind, it can be down right absurd.

After a few days of working on my own, I discovered that the wheels on the metal cart, that I use to deliver the trays ,sounds pretty darn close to the wooden cart wheels as they roll along gathering the dead in that famous 1970’s movie with the Monty Python troop.

I began to think it may be funny to call out, as I am picking up the dirty trays, in a very bad British accent, of course, “Bring out your dead.”
But, then reflecting this was a hospital, I decided that this was probably not the best idea I ever had.

Sometimes, something very silly can trigger a weird thought while at work. I blame Bugs Bunny cartoons. Below is a clip, its relevance will be explained below:


Someone ordered mashed potatoes. So what, you are probably thinking, if so congratulations you are sane.
The cook forgot the gravy. So what, you are probably thinking again.
If so, watch the clip again.

It took all my willpower not to deliver it with a smirk declaring, “This time we didn’t forget the gravy.”

So, do you have random thoughts at work? Did you remember the gravy?

Breathing Still and Writing Poetry

Image result for writing poetry clipart

I thought it may be time to let people know, that yes, I am, in fact still alive.

I have been working and schooling and sometimes just sitting around on my ass.

I have entered a couple of writing contests one for short story and one for poetry. Both have cash prizes. Little bitty cash prizes, but for me it is all about the art. (Insert Sardonic laughter here)

I have also been writing on another site. Forgive me WordPress you were not quite enough and so I have been having a writing affair with AllPoetry.

I like the site, they have contests just for the sake of it, no cash prizes, but it is a way to get some feedback from fellow poetry lovers and writers.

Yes, some of it is well…not so… okay… it is horrible, but some of it is really good, like my friend Puck’s stuff. 

So, if you like to read or write poetry check it out.

And if you want you check out my profile , on AllPoetry you can do so, here.

Do you write poetry? Read poetry? Hate it? Love it? Don’t really care?

Top Searches/ The All Time Bizarre

Businessman at work tries to understand internet terms - stock photo This is my first post devoted to bizarre search terms.  Why haven’t I done so before? Well , a fellow blogger, Daniel Nest , does it so well on his own blog, that I know I have no chance to compete with his brilliance. If you are not reading his excellent blog: Nest Expressed, you should. That being said, I happened to glance at the top searches that found the blog this week: “mental institution room”, “lost emoticon”, “fed up wives”, and  “grumpy old men clipart”. You cannot get much more bizarre than that. I mean how many people would type in “mental institution room” or “lost emoticon” ? That got me thinking about the many bizarre terms that over the last two-years have helped people find their way to my blog, terms like: “insane cartoon”, “frustrated cartoon faces” and “ha ha ha laughing”. My top search term over the last two years was:“cartoon cookies”, really? Damn I am boring. Terms for “Winged monkeys”  or the like have shown up over 400 times! You write one story, geesh! :/ Just why theses particular terms would redirect people to this blog, while searches such as …well, let’s just say...”Writer genius” or “Hysterically funny blog” have not shown up is a mystery to me. No I get the strange and unusual like “can i go to the bathroom please”, “I need to pee”, or “can I go to the toilet,please?” I  didn’t really think my blog was that crappy or that some of you out there needed my permission to relive yourself or why you would think that I even wanted to know you had to pee? Some terms kinda hurt my feelings a bit like “bizarre heels”, “pest smiley”, “stupid smiley face” and “sick brain” , I mean was that necessary? I must make some people smile if these terms that showed up over 17 times helped you find your way to this blog; “female smiley faces“, “flirt smiley”, “silly smiley faces” , and “smiley faces winking” But some terms just came here to mock me with threats of running away: “running away cartoon”, “man running away” and “cartoon guy running away”…I am sensing a theme..they are all male and all running away…not good for the ego. :( Some terms seemed to be trying to tell me something, they sound more like commands than search terms: “laugh face”,( What if my face doesn’t feel like laughing, huh?) “raise your hand clip art” (I wonder if they know clipart are not alive ?) , and “stop do not touch” (Don’t worry you pretty little head about that last one) All I have to say in conclusion is: please cartoon man don’t run away no more and laugh, face! ;)