Revisiting I Corinthians 14: 4-7

Would you loved to be loved this way?


Loved in patience
Loved in kindness
Not dealing with a jealous or/and boastful partner
Not dealing with a proud, rude, selfish partner
In love with someone not easily angered 
With someone who does not remind you of past wrongs
Someone who loves your truth
Someone who bears with you
Someone who always trusts you
Someone hopeful
Someone who endures hardships with you
A love that does not end?

Is this true love?
Is this the way it was meant to be?


Valentine’s Missed



No longer having a SO, I did not really celebrate the day other than making a heart shaped cake me and my daughter shared.

To be honest the last few Valentine’s were a pantomime of you Lost That Loving Feeling, so it was a relief , in a way, to not have to pretend to be happily in a relationship when I wasn’t happy at all.

I did enjoy the day this year.

Even despite having to work.

The only physical contact was a high five from a guy at work who thought my stupid pun was funny.

It was about chicken and was a rather fowl one…

Anyway, I believe love comes in all packages.

To limit love to romance narrows its boundaries.

Romance is lovely and if you have it then you are lucky, but if you do not there is no need to go down to the depths of sorrow.

Sure, it is hard when you see all the lovey dovey posts on FB , but remember every day is not one full of admiration and hearts.

Relationships are hard.

You have to work at them or they don’t work.

So, I did not spend the day crying over that no one was mine and I did not get roses.

I spent the day doing what I needed to do and staying relatively happy about it.

I have come to the conclusion that one of the greatest things about being single on Valentines Day is that you can buy your heart-boxed shaped of chocolate the next day at 60-70% off and you don’t have to share it.

So, whether you missed it, ignored it, or enjoyed it …hope it was a great day for you.


Existing and Gratitude

“How rare and beautiful it is to even exist.” -A Sleep at Last by Saturn-
The chances of existing are slim.
Two people have to meet, fall in love, or let’s just face it get amorous at the right time; then a seed gets planted and if allowed to grow it becomes you.
It is a rare and beautiful thing to exist to come into being.
It is sad sometimes this little person has to be treated to abuse, neglect, heartaches, etc…
But, that is not what I want to dwell on, because this post is about gratitude, not misery.
I am grateful to have had a chance to have existed how beautiful it is to have met the people I have.
To have experienced love, laughter, tears, sorrows, and joys.
To have become a mom and then a grandma.
To forgive those who have hurt me.
To love them still, though they may never know or believe it.
I refuse to be ashamed of loving, even those who later took advantage or did not want my love any longer.
The beauty was in the loving not what came after.
It is a strange and mysterious the way life changes when you get older and realize most of life is just bluffing your way through it trying to feel important and the real beauty is in the moment and just existing in it.

No Mourners

I wrote this poem right before I divorced after 20+ years of marriage. 


No Mourners 

No mourners
No scared texts
No hymns
For a marriage
That died a long time ago
We kept the corpse
Would not let go
Afraid of a misery we did not know

The air was stifling
As it rotted
I tried my best
To carry on
As if the corpse
Wasn’t there
Just kept on
Covering it with flowers

The time came at last
Only bones left
And even then
I hesitated
Said a prayer
That no one heard
And so it ended

“To Thine Own Self Be True”-Hamlet

happy lady in flowers

I am grateful today for getting back on track.
I lost a lot to depression and am coming back to a lot of things I dropped the ball on while struggling with my own selfworth.

I am writing on my blog again after almost two year absence from it.

I wonder why I stopped?
I love writing.

I am Zumba-ing once again and I am really enjoying it.

Working on eating better, just need to tune out the bacon that keeps calls my name…

I finding the joy in little things like music, laughter, and just being more aware of things around me, and not being in my own head so much.

My discovery is : that it is not the doing that stops me, it is the thinking about the doing.
Once, I get started, things get a rhythm and it is easier to stay committed.

I truly am starting to be grateful for every moment of my life.

The Silly Redhead

No Princess for me, thank you.

Athena with sword

Some women want to be princesses, I don’t.
Princess just sit around all day waiting for someone to rescue them.
You have to kiss frogs.
You get cursed and chased by old hags.
The prince’s only job besides rescuing you and kissing you awake is to stand there and smile a dopey smile.

Goddesses on the other hand have real power!
They turn men who displease them into frogs!
They banish bitches from their court.
And they are worshiped 24/7 by men who wait on them hand and foot.

If your going to pick a fantasy ladies, pick the right one!  😉


Just a bit of silliness from a  crazy chick…



I have come to the conclusion that no one can fully understand me, my pain, my sorrows, my insecurities, and so forth and so on…

I think it is a mistake to expect people to do that.

Hell, we don’t even fully understand ourselves do we?

I am not saying I should not reach out for help.

But, I have to be ready to hear solutions and take advice and to not think I’m so different/special that nothing that works for the vast majority would ever work for me.

I’m not implying  I should  let people bully me, either.

Some people’s idea of giving advice is to try and bully people into doing things their way, this is hardly helpful.

It is really up to me what advice or counsel  I heed or disregard.

I struggle with many things, so I get that life is very hard and when you couple that with depression or any other type of mental illness it is even harder.

But, I know in my own mind, that it is really up to me to change and not for others to change me.

It is not that easy and if it was then it would not be that big of a problem.

But, I reject the idea I  cannot change and embrace all those cha…cha…changes I need to make.

Have you been facing some cha…cha…changes? How is it going?