Hold on Loosely …But Do Let Go…

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I been thinking about how some relationships fail and how doing the thing you think will keep someone in your life often backfires and produces the opposite effect of the one you wanted. As I thought I wrote and it became what is written below:

You cannot force people to love you, to like you, to think like you do, to miss you, to care about you, to have the same feelings for you as you may have for them, or return to you.

People need to be free and the more you hold on while they are struggling to be free the longer they will stay away when they do, eventually,  break away.

You can loosen your grip, love them without sufficating them, give them the freedom to think for themselves,to stop pinning away for what will never be,to care for yourself,to not demand they feel the same way, and to get on with your own life.

Sorry, no other way to have peace.

Controlling behaviors do not come off as loving to those being controlled.
They are not singing you the song of the martyrs.

Life is not easy, it is not always fair, but you either learn or you keep repeating the same mistakes…

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Thoughts About Feelings

I’m not a vindictive person. But I do want to shine a light on human frailty and heroism in equal measure. -Peter Morgan-
We meet again
Human emotion what a wild ride that can be!
So much that goes on in the mind!
Some of those feelings make it to the light of day and some are safely hidden in the dark spots we crawl into when faced with dissapointments, sorrows, or loss.

We truly are both the atagonist and the hero of our own existance.
We stand in our own way and rise to heights we did not know we could achieve.
We are both good and bad.
We are human and only less then that when we forsake our better self and deny our not so nice self exists.

No matter how carefully we hide the dark bits, at times, they tumble out and we are exposed.
We feel shame, remorse, or an arrgoant defiance.
Really, it depends on our personalities.

I see that many times people would rather deny these darker emotions.
Like they do not or should not exist.

But, does denying them make them go away or does it just build up so that the volcano makes a bigger eurption when we finally cannot hide what our feeling are anymore?

Jealous seems to be one of those taboo emotions.

So, I will use it as an example.
This, like any human failing, is all about how you handle that emotion
People get jealous, wise people do not act on that jealousy.
Perfect people never feel or act out in jealousy, or angry, or pettiness, or meaniness, or anything negative.
Perfect people are not real…the only true ‘fakes’ in my humble opinion.
In these days of social media it is  very easy to fake it and never make it.
A very narrow window and world is social meidia, very easy to downplay and deny certian aspects of our character that we don’t paticularly like.I want to be a real girl someday and so like Peter I want to shine the light on both the fralities of my nautre and the good bits as well.

I want to be fully human.

Days of commas and parentheses

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I am editing my old blog posts some of those posts going back to 2013 when I started blogging.

Very painful to read many times.

There is an old movie about alcoholics  in which the marriage falls apart due to the alcoholism.

Days of Wine and Roses.

As I edited my old blog post I noticed that many look like a preschooler wrote them or a drunk, not sure which?

The Days of Commas and Parentheses  popped into my head, because there were several of them in odd spots and in excessive amounts of excessivness.  And my mind tends to wander into strange places like that.

I could add that there were a lot of quotation marks that were really not necessary, but  The Days of Commas, Quotation Marks, and Parentheses seemed a bit too long for a  blog title.

This editing may take awhile…a long while.

Anyway, I thinks, that (I have learned a little bit) about “writing” by doning it ,so much.

At least I hope I have.

Always room for improvement.  😉

Revisiting I Corinthians 14: 4-7

Would you loved to be loved this way?

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Loved in patience
Loved in kindness
Not dealing with a jealous or/and boastful partner
Not dealing with a proud, rude, selfish partner
In love with someone not easily angered 
With someone who does not remind you of past wrongs
Someone who loves your truth
Someone who bears with you
Someone who always trusts you
Someone hopeful
Someone who endures hardships with you
A love that does not end?

Is this true love?
Is this the way it was meant to be?

Valentine’s Missed

 

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No longer having a SO, I did not really celebrate the day other than making a heart shaped cake me and my daughter shared.

To be honest the last few Valentine’s were a pantomime of you Lost That Loving Feeling, so it was a relief , in a way, to not have to pretend to be happily in a relationship when I wasn’t happy at all.

I did enjoy the day this year.

Even despite having to work.

The only physical contact was a high five from a guy at work who thought my stupid pun was funny.

It was about chicken and was a rather fowl one…

Anyway, I believe love comes in all packages.

To limit love to romance narrows its boundaries.

Romance is lovely and if you have it then you are lucky, but if you do not there is no need to go down to the depths of sorrow.

Sure, it is hard when you see all the lovey dovey posts on FB , but remember every day is not one full of admiration and hearts.

Relationships are hard.

You have to work at them or they don’t work.

So, I did not spend the day crying over that no one was mine and I did not get roses.

I spent the day doing what I needed to do and staying relatively happy about it.

I have come to the conclusion that one of the greatest things about being single on Valentines Day is that you can buy your heart-boxed shaped of chocolate the next day at 60-70% off and you don’t have to share it.

So, whether you missed it, ignored it, or enjoyed it …hope it was a great day for you.

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Existing and Gratitude

 
“How rare and beautiful it is to even exist.” -A Sleep at Last by Saturn-
The chances of existing are slim.
Two people have to meet, fall in love, or let’s just face it get amorous at the right time; then a seed gets planted and if allowed to grow it becomes you.
It is a rare and beautiful thing to exist to come into being.
It is sad sometimes this little person has to be treated to abuse, neglect, heartaches, etc…
But, that is not what I want to dwell on, because this post is about gratitude, not misery.
I am grateful to have had a chance to have existed how beautiful it is to have met the people I have.
To have experienced love, laughter, tears, sorrows, and joys.
To have become a mom and then a grandma.
To forgive those who have hurt me.
To love them still, though they may never know or believe it.
I refuse to be ashamed of loving, even those who later took advantage or did not want my love any longer.
The beauty was in the loving not what came after.
It is a strange and mysterious the way life changes when you get older and realize most of life is just bluffing your way through it trying to feel important and the real beauty is in the moment and just existing in it.

No Mourners

I wrote this poem right before I divorced after 20+ years of marriage. 

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No Mourners 

No mourners
No scared texts
No hymns
For a marriage
That died a long time ago
We kept the corpse
Would not let go
Afraid of a misery we did not know

The air was stifling
As it rotted
I tried my best
To carry on
As if the corpse
Wasn’t there
Just kept on
Covering it with flowers

The time came at last
Only bones left
And even then
I hesitated
Said a prayer
That no one heard
And so it ended