I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar

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I am not a big Katy Perry fan.
But, when I zumba one of the routine is to “Roar” and after awhile you cannot help but learn the lyrics.

Now, I will admit the part about “I got the eye of the tiger/dancing through the fire” makes little sense to me.

But, I identify with a bit of it.

This for example: “I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath
Scared to rock the boat and make a mess
So I sit quietly, agree politely
I guess that I forgot I had a choice”

And this: “You held me down, but I got up
Get ready ’cause I’ve had enough
I see it all, I see it now”

I am,from time to time,going to rock that boat. (It needs rocking from time to time)
I do have a choice and that choice is to not be held down, because, frankly, I have had enough.
I know my worth and once a woman knows that, then they “can see it all” and will take nothing less than respect from now on.

What is your definition of respect? Are you going to roar? Make sure it is not in the library.

Sad Little Girl Gets Kicked in the Ass.

If you have ever had self-esteem issues, but are constantly trying to get over them your dialogue with yourself may look something like this: (If you are sane, maybe not)

Sad little Rachael girl: I can’t do that people will be mad at me if I do what I want, when I want, and how I want.

Kickyouinthe@ss Rachael: They are still mad at you when you do it their way, when they say, and how they say. You might as well do what you want and find people who respect that.

Sad little Rachael girl: I want to be happy and I can’t, so I will brood until I am miserable instead.

Kickyouinthe@ss Rachael: And this helps you how, girl?

Sad little Rachael girl: If I could make this person love and respect me, then I would be happier.
Kickyouinthe@ss Rachael: If you cannot be happy on your own or respect yourself, then you will never be made happy and you cannot make anyone, anywhere, at anytime do what you want them to! You can and must control yourself.
Sad little Rachael girl: I am afraid to try.

Kickyouinthe@ss Rachael: Now, Girl we are all afraid, the difference is that happy people go ahead anyway and find that most of their fears were unfounded. So you get out there and do what you need to do. You’ll be okay, promise.

Are you super confident, working on it, or have a long way to go? You’ll make it, I promise!

Another New Year

A couple more days and it will be a brand new year.
Last year people made promises to do better this year and like all the years before they failed at some of those resolutions.
They didn’t take off the weight, give up cigars, or learn a new language as they planned.
What they did was hope and without hope life is not very pleasant.
So, now we will have a brand new year of hopes.
A brand new year mingled with both smiles and tears, times of great joy and times of mind numbing sameness, but mostly a new year filled with hopes and dreams.
I hope your new year is more happy than sad.
That in this brand new year you’ll laugh more than you will cry.
That you’ll embrace the promise of joy in this new year and to forget the regrets of the past one.
A very Happy New Years to you all !

Santa Needs a Brand New Bag

Santa Claus with a bag full of presents - stock photo


Santa Needs a Brand New Bag (Tune to Poppa’s Got a Brand New Bag by James Brown)

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Come here elves…Santa’s in the sleigh
His old bag ripped…about time for a brand new thing
It gets too heavy to drag
Santa needs a brand new bag

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Come here reindeer…and look at this old thing
It is not longer fancy…ripped along the seam
It is looking might sad
Santa needs a brand new bag

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Santa ain’t no jerk…
On Christmas Eve his is gonna fly…
Don’t play the creep; he knows when you’re asleep
He may bring you a stuffed monkey or a Mr. Potato, Jump back up the chimney and see you later.


Come here Mrs. C.
This bag done its last fling
It no longer is new
So, make me a new one babe;
This one is so sad
Santa needs a brand new bag

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Oh, children! Santa ain’t no jerk!
Elves…all he do is work!
His old bag is about to burst…like this!
On Christmas Eve he’ll fly at night
That thing…coming apart at the seams
Ho! Ho!…come on..
Ho! Ho!.come on
Ho! Ho…it is just not right…no new bag in sight…
Come on. Ho! Ho!


And here is Mr. Brown:

Three of the Worstest Ever Kids Christmas Songs

Yes I know what you are thinking: Not this again!

But, it has become a tradition on my blog and I don’t usually stand in the way of tradition, unless I want to. I don’t wanna. So you’ll just have to live with it.

All 3 are in the Country and Western style and two of them are daddy themed.
All of them stink!
1. The Christmas Bell by Conway Twitty

Despite the positive reviews of the  enlightened YouTube crowd, I still cringe anytime I have had the  misfortune of hearing this ditty.

First of all everyone knows it was Rudolph not a Ding-a-Ling bell that guided Santa’s sleigh and saved the day during that snowstorm so, who does this upstart with the annoying voice think he’s foolin’?

I suppose, to some the voice of the bell sounds cute to me it sounds like someone who has spent time in isolation forced to watch children’s cartoons his whole life and now has a warped sense of what a child’s voice actually sound like.

2. Santa looked a lot Like Daddy by Buck Owens

This song makes” I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” seem like a work of art in comparison.

Instead of telling a real story of some kind this song, just keeps repeating the same idiotic phrases empathizing how skinny Santa is, how Daddy and Santa looked alike, and how Mamma must of let him in.

By the third time I want say, “Yeah, Kid I get it, shut the hell up now, please.” Okay, I probably wouldn’t say please.

3. Daddy Don’t Get Drunk this Christmas by Alan Jackson

The title screams : Don’t bother, this is gonna be bad and it doesn’t disappoint.

Things might be, I don’t know, a little more out in the open with the hillbilly clans and someone might have thought that writing a Christmas song about a  child and their drunk daddy was a good idea?

I think it is an attempt on the old heartstrings, because  let’s face it no one wants to see Mamma cry or daddy fall drunk underneath the Christmas tree.

Perhaps I am wrong, but Christmas is suppose to be a time of joy and I don’t really feel the joy  in the repeating of Daddy please don’t get drunk this Christmas?

The Everybody sing line (spoken) confused me? It is such a happy jolly little chorus(That is sarcasm for the dimwitted among us) that you want to repeat it for the 4th time with help from those you tortured who were just forced to listen to this song?

Any Christmas ditties you think should be banned for all eternity?


I See a Discount Sale and I Want it to be Black.

Woman with shopping bags on white - stock photo

One year I lamented because there was no Turkey carols, so I wrote one.
And since no new ideas have presented themselves to me this year I thought why not write another parody?

What do you mean I should have had a better thought?

This one is actually about the day after Thanksgiving; known to my family as the day after Thanksgiving, but to some better known as Black Friday.

I see a discount sale and I wanted it to be Black. (Tune to Paint it Black by the Rolling Stones)

I see a discount sale and I wanted it to be Black
I am gonna shop and shop until I have a heart attack
I see all the piles of new and fancy clothes
I have to push someone out of the way, but that’s the way it goes

I see a long, long line outside the city mall
I will have to keep my place and damn them all
I want to save that 15% so woe to those who get in my way
It sure is crazy to stay camped out here all day

I really should think of something better to do
But, all I can think about is getting brand new shoes
Maybe I am a greedy witch who cannot face the facts
It’s just that I go crazy when all the sales are black

I will take all my green to buy something new
Something nice for me and something nice for you
I will keep on shopping until the setting sun
I will laugh when I have the other shoppers outrun

I see a discount sale and I wanted it to be Black
I am gonna shop and shop until I have a heart attack
I see all the piles of new and fancy clothes
I have to push someone out of the way, but that’s the way it goes

I want all the Fridays to be black, until everything is sold
I want to get those bargains before the other guy
I want them all black, black, black, yea

Here is the groovy real version:

Not Quite Suess 2

A Long time ago I posted the first not quite Seuss poem.
Today I bring another one entitled:

It is hard to give when it is all that you do.

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It is hard to give when it is all you do
You soon forget you need things too
It is hard at times when you live
In a world that takes and won’t give
You want to be selfish; you want to be mean
You are so tired of the things that you’ve seen
Where no one is grateful and all they do is complain
When you try so hard to be kind, but others like to send rain
You say to yourself enough is enough!
I have had with all this bad natured stuff!
So, you shut yourself down and you go hide
But, after awhile you feel like you’ve died
It is not your way to live a life of hate
And for you to change into that is much, much too late
You may be deceived; people may say you’re not wise
But, it is impossible, now, not to be a nice guy
Yes, we’ve heard it before how nice guys are last
Of how being a selfish jerk is such a blast
Perhaps that is so, but I think it’s not
Do that too long and your soul starts to rot
So, though giving cost much and being kind can backfire
I will still shun the low road and keep taking the higher
The only difference that ever will be
Is that I will also take time to be nice to me.