No Zit!

My apologies in advance for this post, not because it contains anything offensive, just because it is damn stupid.

You may have noticed the swear word in the above sentence, if not you may need glasses.

I have been trying not to swear as much and so, I have been thinking of alternative words. But, I find that “dang” or “shoot” are just too boring and they don’t convey that special zing that the real cuss words do.

One night being exhausted and sleep deprived my mind came up with a replacement for the Shi* word. Zits. That is right, zits. It was hilarious when I was in my sleep deprived state, but seems a little stupid now that I am fully awake, but that was not enough to stop this ridiculous post, sorry.

So, to get you started I have listed below 6 common phrases that usually contain that nasty old “S” word replaced by the friendlier to the ears “Z” word. I have also provided examples on whom and how to use them. You’re welcome.

1. Exasperated father to idiot teenage son: “What is the matter with you; do you have zits for brains?”

2. Co-worker to the witch at the office: “You really think you are hot zits, don’t you?’

3. Wife to idiot husband, “I really do believe you could not tell zits from shinola!”

4. Dermatologist to unruly patient: “I think I have had enough zits out of you for one day!”

5. Lady to the jerk at the bar, “You can wipe that zit –eating grin off your face, mister!”

6. Parents dumfounded reaction to the dumb ass thing their teenager just got done uttering: “Really? No zit!”

If you read all these, you only have yourself to blame as I warned you. So do you have any replacement cuss words you use? I hope your zit is a darn site better than what I came up with!

Hallothanksmas!

I think there should be a new holiday!
A more convenient holiday!
One main holiday, so there is no more having to fix 3 or more special dinners! Get it all done on one day!
Since the stores have already put up all the Halloween decorations by September, why not?
No longer would you have to keep taking down decorations to put up more seasonal decor!
A little tweaking and combining of the old traditions and you would have it:
Hallothanksmas!
No need to buy new decorations, just combine your old stuff!
Just put turkeys and pumpkins along with your traditional decorations on that Hallothankmas tree!
Carve a pumpkin with a Santa face.
Dress up that holiday turkey with red and green stuffing!
With a little tweaking your favorite Christmas songs can be revised to reflect the new holiday as well.
Songs like: “Grandma got ran over by a zombie”, “Have a holly jolly Hallothankmas!” or “I heard the vampire turkeys on Hallothankmus day!”

 

No matter what season you may be reading this  in :

I want to wish you a merry Hallothankmus!

 

Think it is good idea? Bad idea? Dumb idea? Leave a comment don’t be shy!

Guest Post: BATMAN

WARSAW, POLAND - MAY 22: Facebook has over 10 million Polish users. May 22, 2013 in Warsaw, Poland. - stock photo

I found this message , on FB , from my brother Oliver:

“Hey, in honor of Batman’s 75th anniversary I wrote a parody!”

Since, I am taking a break ( I warned you about guest posts) I thought, great I’ll use it! That and he might get mad at me if I don’t post it. :(

Actually, I think it is very clever and so with that here it is:

CIRCA MAY 2014 - BERLIN: the logo of the superhero comic figure "Batman". - stock photo

BATMAN(original TAXMAN by The Beatles, Written by George Harrison)
1..2..3..4…1..2…
Let me tell you how it will be, Gotham will be crime free!
Cause, I’m the Batman!
Yeaah, I’m the BAATMAAN!

CIRCA MAY 2014 - BERLIN: the logo of the superhero comic figure "Batman". - stock photo
No crimes too big or too small, Put a signal in the sky & give me a call!
Cause I’m the Batman!Yeaah, I’m the BAATMAAN!

Bangkok,Thailand - May 05, 2014: DC Comic Batman figure Toy. There are plastic toy sold as part of the McDonald's Happy meals. - stock photo
I’m dressed as if for trick or treat, In the Justice League I hold a seat,
On the rooftops, the Commish I meet, In the Batmobile I patrol the streets… BATMAAAN! Cause I’m the Batman!
Yeaah, I’m the BAATMAAN!

NEW YORK, NY - JUNE 24, 2014:  Batman character in Times Square, greets people and poses for pictures with locals and tourists. - stock photo
Don’t ask me who I do it for.
(Batman has his reasons!)Be thankful I’m not at your door!
(Batman cleans the Street ) Cause, I’m the Batman!
Yeaah, I’m the BAATMAAN!

CANNES - MAY 12: Art painting on the wall of the main Bus Station in Cannes on May 12, 2008 in Cannes, France. The city is a busy tourist destination and host of the annual Cannes Film Festival. - stock photo
A message for the clown prince of crime, (BAATMAAN!)
I will catch you every time! (BAATMAAN!)
Cause, I’m the Batman!
Yeaah, I’m the BAATMAAN!
And no one protects Gotham But, me… (solo, fade out) (BAATMAAN!)

Have you ever met a family of parody writers before? Ever write a parody? Are you Batman?

And for reference in case you have been living under a rock and don’t know who The Beatles are:

Blogging Break

Business woman required working hard and need to finish in time. - stock vector

 

Since I finally got a life….aka…a job. I am finding less time for blogging.

I am still slaving away on my on-line classes and that leaves little time for much else, besides running errands and cleaning the fridge once a month or so.

If I get a guest post, I will post it.

I may throw up a parody if I find the time…but, consider me on a blogging vacation for a few weeks, months, or whatever.

There is plenty to read in the archives and I will check in at least once a week to see if anybody stumbled upon an old post and leaves a comment for me.

When I get myself together, like a bad habit I’ll be back.

GE DIGITAL CAMERA

Messy hair..messy life…

Son and Friends New Blog.

 

Business cartoon character with megaphone making an announcement - stock vector

Read this blog…my mom said so…!

I am not a geek or a nerd, the best I can come up is: Rachael like new ape movie.
Pathetic? Yes.
However, I am good at shooting my mouth off and I am very good at bragging up my offspring, much to his embarrassment.

There is a new blog in town. It’s name? Rebel Consciences.

It is a collaboration blog in which my son collaborates.

Don’t read that sentence again; it may cause a brain damage.

It is filled with geeky things.

So, if you love the geeky things of life you should check it out. I don’t think you’ll be disappointed and be sure to tell Patrick that his mom sent you, he’ll love that. ;)

So, do you like checking out new blogs? Do you like embarrassing your kids?

Absentee Blogger.

Blog concept - stock photo

You may have noticed my infrequent postings….What do you mean who are you again?

I use to write all the time and the main reason was…what the hell else did I have to do?

Now I actually have a part-time job, besides my school stuff and life has gotten a bit more busy.

What is this most important job? This exciting new career?

I am helping to feed my community by offering them wholesome and not -so-wholesome foods at a reasonable prices. Okay, I’m a part-time grocery clerk , but it pays the bills.

Chicago, IL August 2013: An international supermarket selling fresh grocery and frozen items  in Chicago on August 1st 2013. Consumption of fresh produce is on the rise due to growing health awareness - stock photo

 

Anything new in your world?

 

I’m Screamer…Guest Post.

I have a brother…I have three actually.. my youngest brother has sent me a parody….

Good grief what is wrong with your family!

I don’t have time for that! 

I bet you don’t!

Thank you, Oliver ( that’s my wittle brothers name) for guest posting with this funny and witty parody:

I’m a Screamer to the tune of I’m a believer written by Niel Diamond as sung by the Monkees.

 

I thought witches were only true in fairy tales…something made up I-Mag-I Nary, but, one was out to get me(doo, doo, doo, da doo) that’s the way it seemed disappointed haunted are my dreams…

Then I saw her face, now I’m a screamer!

Wish I could erase the sight from my mind!

I cried Ugh! Ahhh Ohhh I grabbed the meat clever but,
I couldn’t reach her but, I tried!

 

 

I tried my very hardest to look away but, the more I saw the worst it got!

Now I am crying, her face causes me pain!

I don’t think I’ll ever be the same!

Since I saw her face, I’m a screamer!

Wish I Could erase the sight from my mind!

 

 

I cried Ugh! Ahhh! Ohhh I grabbed the meat cleaver but, I couldn’t reach her but, I tried!

(solo)…But, one was out to get me that’s the way it seemed disappointed haunted are my dreams cause I saw her face now I’m a screamer!

Wish I could erase the sight from my mind!

I’m screamer Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’m a screamer!(fade out).

 

Now here is the Monkees with the ordinal version:

 

Anything ever make you scream? If you liked this post give my  brother some love in the comments below.