Every year around this time we are bombarded by lame Christmas songs and if that wasn’t bad enough some of them have absolutely nothing to do with Christmas at all.
There is no Merry Christmas, no wise men following a star, nothing religious, not even a Happy Holidays or a Happy New Years.
So ,why aren’t these tunes considered winter songs? Well, think about it, that sounds damn stupid! That is why!
Below is a list of four different “Christmas”songs that ain’t and my grinchy sarcastic commentary on the songs.
1. Let it snow. (Why? Just why?)
There is nothing in this song about Christmas just a couple who can’t seem to say goodbye to each other while the idiots let their fire die in a snowstorm. How are they going to pop that corn on a dead fire? Why’d they bring that up right before they needed to go home, anyway? I hope he doesn’t have to far to go because despite all that huggin’ and kissin’ unless he is just right down the street chances are he is not going to be warm all the way home.
2. Walking in a Winter Wonderland (What is so wonderful about it?)
Seeing a pattern? All these goofy songs are about snow or winter NOT Christmas. I that this heard this song was written about Michigan. I have lived in Michigan my whole life and winters here are not what I would call “wonderful”. Perhaps some people, somewhere like digging out of snow drifts, dealing with freezing rain, and all those other “wonderful” winter things. Anyway, there is nothing about Christmas in this Christmas song. Just another couple of idiots who think a snowman ,if they christen him Parson Brown, can marry them. I don’t think that would be a legal union even in Michigan.
3. It’s a Marshmallow World in the Winter (Groans..audibly)
May I make the case that it is NOT a marshmallow world in the winter? You just try sticking any of the wet white stuff in your cocoa. I guarantee it will not taste like a marshmallow. This song does not only have nothing to do with Christmas ,it is plain stupid. Have you ever seen a sun shining “red” like a pumpkin’s head? Pumpkins are orange, okay? Pumpkins do not have heads.I rest my case.
4.Jingle Bells (Yes, I know..we have all been tricked into thinking this is some kind of essential Christmas song, well…it ain’t)
Sorry to burst anyone’s bubble out there, but this song, despite what you have been lead to believe, makes no mention of anything Christmasy. There is snow, there is a sleigh, and there is jingling bells. But, there is not one mention of a Happy Holiday, Santa, reindeer, Christmas trees, lights, or stars. It is just a song about lunatics laughing and singing in freezing cold weather whilst taking a sleigh ride.
Any Christmas songs you love? Hate? Don’t think should be classified as a Christmas song?