The Butthurt Form

I was scrolling one day past all the daily drama that is Facebook when my eyes beheld it:

The Butthurt Form!

I thought to myself, “Well, that is humorous!”

My mind working, like it usually does, did not just stop with that initial reaction.

No, I started to think.

If you knew me well, you’d know how dangerous that can be.

My brain got to wondering what type of person would fill out this type of form and why?

That is what lead to this blog post and is what is going to, most likely, give you a brain ache to go with any butthurt you may have experienced earlier this week by being on Facebook too much.

Moaning Cousin Joan

Date of Hurtfulness: 10/13/2015 Time: 12:05 a.m.

What caused the Butthurt?

(X) Someone Posted it ( ) Offensive Picture on Internet
Was a tissue needed for the tears?

(X) Yes ( ) No
Will you be able to move past it?

( ) Yes ( ) No (X) Not Sure

Reason for filing out the form (Check all that apply)

( ) I am an idiot ( ) I’m better than everybody else

(X) I am a cry baby ( ) I’m a prude

(X) I am thinned skinned ( ) It wasn’t my joke

( ) I am a bitch ( ) Nobody liked my selfies today

(X) I want my Mommy! (X) Life isn’t fair!

(X) I felt picked on (X) Other (please explain below):

I am of the opinion that everything that happens to me is a much greater tragedy than if it happens to someone else. Nobody could have it as bad as I do, not even refugees or the starving masses. When I break a nail it really hurts and nobody gives a damn about me!
Donna the Defeated Diva


Date of Hurtfulness: 10/20/15 Time: 2:05 P.M.

What caused the Butthurt?

(X) Someone Posted it ( ) Offensive Picture on Internet
Was a tissue needed for the tears?

(X) Yes, several ( ) No
Will you be able to move past it?

( ) Yes (X) No ( ) Not Sure

Reason for filing out the form (Check all that apply) 

( ) I am an idiot (X) I’m better than everybody else

( ) I am a cry baby ( ) I’m a prude

(X) I am thinned skinned ( ) It wasn’t my joke

(X) I am a bitch (X) Nobody liked my selfies today

( ) I want my Mommy! (X) Life isn’t fair!

( ) I felt picked on (X) Other (please explain below):

Besides the post that said I was full of myself and got me so upset…several people ignored me today, I can take a lot, but when you don’t get one like on your selfies, that is just too much for me! From now on, when I come on Facebook, I expect applause and an acceptance and affirmation of every thing I post or say. Failure to do so will cause my inner bitch to come out and demand the apology I think you owe me!
Stan Stan the angry man.

Date of Hurtfulness: 10/23/15 Time: 10:00 a.m.

What caused the Butthurt?

(X) Someone Posted it (X) Offensive Picture on Internet
Was a tissue needed for the tears?

( ) Yes (X) No, I am a man! I don’t cry you moron!
Will you be able to move past it?

( ) Yes ( ) No ( ) Not Sure X Never!

Reason for filing out the form (Check all that apply) 

(X ) I am an idiot ( ) I’m better than everybody else

( ) I am a cry baby ( ) I’m a prude

(X) I am thinned skinned (X) it wasn’t my joke

( ) I am a bitch ( ) Nobody liked my selfies today

( ) I want my Mommy! (X) Life isn’t fair!

(X) I felt picked on (X) Other (please explain below):

People know I hate everybody, so why do they insist on posting shit I don’t like?!

Have you been butthurt lately? Need a tissue?

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Author:

I am me and nobody else. One of a kind just like the rest of the world.

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