Five Really Bad Pop Songs of My Youth.

Ah, the 1980’s the decade of big hair, big glasses, neon colors, clownish make-up, and pop music that was…well…trendy at least at the time.

Who could forget such meaningful lyrics as “you spin me right round, baby, right round, like a record, baby right round.” or “we got the beat, we got the beat, yeah, we got the beat”?   Sheer poetry.

What brought on this wave of nostalgia or was that nausea?

I’ll tell you, I don’t know.

For those lucky enough to lived through the 80’s the following songs  will take you down “nightmare street” memory lane. To you younger folks, out there ,they will give you some ammunition to throw at my generation  when they tell you how much better our music was then yours was.

So, without further ado here are five very bad pop songs from the 1980’s  in no particular order, sure there are tons more, but you wouldn’t want a three page blog post would you? You do?! Well here’s a link for $10,000 dollars and no responsibilities.   The rest of you can read this:

Cartoon Happy Beet Character/ Illustration of a funny happy cartoon red beet vegetable character running - stock vector

1.We got the beat by the go-go’s. (Great name, ain’t it!)

I wish someone would have  “beat “me unconscious before this video ended.  If the annoying music, the really bad dancing, the not so clever rhyming, and the fact this group just sucks is not enough to make you gouge out your eyes rather than witness that atrocity again, you are better person than I am. I just wanted to go-go far away.

Close-up image of a record player - stock photo

2.You spin me right round by Dead or Alive ( Don’t worry nobody  else remembers them, either)

Does the lead singer even know what the hell he is about? Is he a sissy glamor boy, a pirate with really bad hair, or a six armed demi- god? How is spinning some one right round like a record a turn on? I would think that it would be more likely to induce vomiting than to make one amorous.  If this dude came near me declaring he “wanted my love” I am just getting the hell out of there! And what the hell is up with all those flags?

Rear view of a loving young couple cuddling in rowboat at lake - stock photo

3. Nobody’s gonna break my stride by Matthew Wilder ( Another one hit wonder, it is a wonder how it became a hit?)

Kudos for your racial stereotyping there, very original. ( Sarcasm folks) I wish someone would have broke-a- your- vocal chords, so we would not have to be subjected to this stupidity. When the singer sings, “What does that mean?”, that is the last thing he says that makes any kind of sense.

American West rodeo pair of traditional leather roper style western riding slouch cowboy boots with authentic ranching spurs on wood deck in front of an old ranch wood barn - stock photo

4. I want to be a cowboy by Boy’s Don’t Cry ( I did)

No, thanks for the offer to become your cowgirl. I think you must like them stupid as its inconceivable to the lady riding in your chuck wagon that anyone could have the name of “Ted”  and she thinks we have to “imagine it”. Is what this group doing even technically “singing”? Really slow rapping? Anyway it stinks. The only cheery note is that the “Indians” are on the warpath” and one day Ted will “be dead.”

Superhero Background: Superhero over a grunge background with copy space.  No transparency used. Basic (linear) gradients used for the background. A4 proportions. - stock vector

5.O Superman by Laurie Anderson (Yes, we all blocked this one out of our memory) 

Admit it you didn’t watch all 8 minutes of this,did you? I can’t blame you a few seconds of ..”O…O….O…” in that electronic -tech voice is enough to make you want to throw something at Laurie and scream, ” Just shut the hell up already!”

The lyrics to this song must have been written while the author was dropping acid, it is only thing that could explain such unexplainability.  (Is so a word)  Just a guess, because this song is retarded, I think superman is trying to call mom and dad but they ain’t home. For the rest of the song Superman must be taking that acid trip along with Laurie, because nothing makes sense from here on out. At the end we find out “mom” is a chemical military robot. (Don’t believe me look up the lyrics, it is more merciful than listening to the whole song)

So, what really bad pop songs were popular in your youth?

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Author:

I am me and nobody else. One of a kind just like the rest of the world.

6 thoughts on “Five Really Bad Pop Songs of My Youth.

  1. Oh, this takes me back. I have to admit, I kind of liked Dead or Alive. Scary, isn’t it? And I loved the cowboy song. But Superman? I don’t even remember that song. Ugh, that opening. I had to stop listening. Thought I would have a seizure.

  2. You know…I always thought the Dead Or Alive track was kind of OK….but then I watched the video. And…his face will haunt my nightmares for a long time.

    As for Superman. Does that even qualify as a song? Or a complete work of art of any kind? It’s like a visualisation of somebody’s mind unraveling.

    1. I always like the music to the Dead or Alive, but the lyrics are very bad…that man(?) has the face only a mother could love and it is my belief that even she had her doubts. I think you are right about the “O superman” song and now you have ammunition when someone tells you how great the 1980’s music was compared to the 1990’s….

  3. Well of course the Go-Gos song isn’t all that good – Jane Wiedlin didn’t write it. But lumping Laurie Anderson in with these pop tunes is a straw man. You can dislike it, but claiming it fails as a hummable ditty just misses the point. Top 40 songs don’t include lyrics like “When justice is gone, there is always force”. Try to think of it more as a brief opera (which is what the song is based on, “Le Cid”) and you might enjoy it.

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