Saturday-I need to be somewhere, but I can’t remember where, my head is pounding and my mouth feels like sawdust. I’m incredibly chilly and wondered who turned off the heat. In the distance I can hear angry voices, laughing , and an occasional snort.
I feel a blanket being hastily thrown over me, a very thin itchy blanket.
I start to open my eyes, to the left of me is a large heated pool and a large group of gawking tourists, hotel management, and various employees. Some are yelling, some are laughing, and others are snorting.
I , suddenly realize I’m lying on the tile floor, with the empty champagne bottle still clutched in my hand. I also realize the “blanket” is in reality a beach towel and I’m without apparel. I am paralyzed with embarrassment.
A manager shoos everybody out of the pool area and then a snickering 20- something hands me a robe and slippers. Everyone leaves and I quickly get into the robe and slippers, making my way back to the humongous bridal suite.
A mess awaits me, all the fruit that was left, has been hung on the chandelier above the bed. All the chocolates are gone and the papers are thrown all about the room, the box is floating in the hot tub. There is another empty champagne bottle in the sink in the bathroom. The entire room has been tee-peed and there is not a roll of toilet paper to be found in the king-sized bathroom.
I looked at myself in the mirror and can’t believe that the blood-shot eyes staring back at me are my own. I quickly take a shower and get dressed. Then it hits me I need to get my husband from the hospital.
I left the hotel at 11:45 am, forty-five minutes after check-out. I had to pay another $499 dollars plus $400 dollars in damages. I was also made to sign a document in which I promised that I would never return to the Paradise Hotel again for the rest of my natural life. I gladly signed the document.
Back at the hospital an angry husband awaits me. He holds up a newspaper, the title reads: “Middle-aged woman found, wet, naked, and clutching a champagne bottle lying in the pool room of Paradise Hotel.” Underneath there was a photo of me in all my glory…ah faded glory…okay, sadly lacking in any glory.
He only asked one question, “How much did this cost us?” When I tell him, he almost relapses, not that he’s feeling much better.
The good staff at the hospital decide to release him to my custody. Good thing they hadn’t seen this mornings newspaper. It only cost us $999.99. Something about payment due when services are rendered.
We start back home and around midnight we arrive.
Sunday-I wake up in the spare bedroom, my husband locked me out of the master bedroom. I timidly knock on the door, I hear a groan, a squeak, and then footsteps. He opens the door a crack, “Yes, Mata Hari, is there something you want?”
“You are not very funny”, I inform him.
“I am going to pick up your prescription do you want anything else?”
“Ginger ale and sick people food”
“All right jello, soup, and crackers it is, are you going to forgive me now?”
“We’ll, talk about it when you get back”, he says closing the door.
I’m really hungry now, but all I find in the kitchen is a box of cereal and no milk . I spy one granola bar on the counter. I eat the granola bar, it’s stale.
Great, now I got to go grocery shopping, too! I get in the car and head for the pharmacy an hour later, after being assured a fifteen minute wait, I have his medication in my hand and a purse that is $199 dollars lighter. Seems our insurance doesn’t cover the two prescriptions the doctor ordered.
I then go to the grocery store ,after getting the soda, jello, crackers, and soup, I just start throwing frozen dinners, cans of stuff, cheese, milk, eggs, a few fruits and veggies, and a few packages of meat into my cart. I have no system.
An hour later, with a cart stacked full of groceries and fixing to tip over, I make my way up to the counter. $499 dollars. It took thirty minutes to ring it all up.
I open the trunk and there sits all the luggage and the $800 dollars worth of trinkets,magazines, and snacks that I had forgotten about. I managed to shove all the groceries in the back seat and about 5 bags in the front passenger seat and head home wearily. I tried not to back-up.
It took forty-five minutes and fifteen trips to get all the groceries, luggage, trinkets, magazines, and snacks into the house. I threw the luggage in a heap in the living room along with the magazines and trinkets. I put the groceries and snacks away, which takes another forty-five minutes.
I fixed myself a tasteless TV dinner and eat it and then I eat another one. At least they were Lean Cuisine, I tell myself.
“Guess I should make grumpy pants something.” I thought. So, I heated up one of the twenty-five cans chicken noodle soup, opened up a jello-cup, put some crackers on a plate, and poured him a glass of ginger-ale. I put all this on a tray and take it up along with his two very expensive prescriptions.
Try to open the door, still locked. I was a little irritated by this time, so I kicked the door with my foot as loud as I could without spilling the food, which wasn’t that loud.
I heard a groan, a squeak, and then foot steps. He opened the door wide, with a sheepish grin on his face. He took the tray, put it beside the bed and gave me a kiss. I was immediately suspicious, I just didn’t know of what.
” I have to tell you something.” he said. Ah-ha I knew it!
“I left my wallet at that motel.. or moe ..or…whatever it was. I called and they are sending the wallet COD.”
“What about the money?” I ask already knowing the answer.
“They said they were really sorry, but they didn’t find any money.”
“Sure”, I thought.
“What do you have left?” he asks.
“A little less than two thousand.”
“Oh, well that is something”, he says.
I don’t have the heart to tell him that I think the suspension on the car is shot, I broke the passenger side window getting the groceries out, and the battery is dead.
I’ll tell him in the morning , he might as well get one good night of sleep after all this.