I wrote this Parody of ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas” when I was a teenager, I hope you like it.
One Night Before Christmas.
One night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even my husband, that louse!
My stockings were hung in the bathroom with care along with a bra and two pairs of underwear.
The brats were all nestled all snug in their beds while visions of disaster raced through my head.
I with my dust mop and he in his cap,I do all the work and he takes a nap!
When out on the lawn, there arose such a clatter, that I sprang from the kitchen to see what was a matter!
Away to the window I crawled like a turtle.Dang you!-Playtex Girdle!
The moon on the new fallen snow gave a vision of a junk yard with the things left below.
When what to my wondering eyes did arrive? Aunt Millie and her nine kids ! Oh, my!
With a driver so drunk and so slow, that I knew in a moment, it must be Uncle Joe!
More rapid than Olympic runners the children piled out!
And then, how they did holler and how they did shout!
“Hey dummy, you stepped on my toe !”
“Hey reject,now where did he go?”
To the top of the porch and on down through the halls!
Please, go away! Go away! Go away, all!
As, all is quite until a tornado passes by, no obstacle known to man could tame them once they got inside!
They ran down the front hall knocking the pictures off from the walls!
The noise that they made could have awoken the dead!
But, we eventually, corralled them and sent them to bed!
I was just about to make some tea and sit down, when I remembered the present that I had left in town!
My clothes were all tarnished with cookies and gook, but there was no time to change;I’ d have to go as I looked!
I grabbed my keys, flung my purse on my back, and I looked like a bag lady in my stocking cap!
I ran through that mall in a mad women’s fury!
But, at last I found it! The last china doll for my little Mary!
I gunned the car, I was ready to go, but wouldn’t you know? Half way home my muffler fell off in the snow.
The officer let me go, the one with the belly, I had to get home my nerves where like jelly!
I walked into the house and laid my present on the shelf, when in walked my husband, Ralph.
He just stood there shaking his head.Oh, what more did I have to dread?!
He said that the Christmas Tree lights did not work, I had told him that last year-the jerk!
Now, Christmas is over they are piling back in the car, away flew Uncle Joe to nearest bar!
But, I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight,”If you made it through Christmas, then you did alright!”
I hope you and yours have a wonderful Christmas!