One Night Before Christmas.

I wrote this Parody of ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas” when I was a teenager, I hope you like it.

Beautiful gifts in gold packaging and Christmas balls on blue background Stock Photo - 10565133

One Night Before Christmas.

One night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even my husband, that louse!

My stockings were hung in the bathroom with care along with a bra and two pairs of underwear.

The brats were all nestled all snug in their beds while visions of disaster raced through my head.

I with my dust mop and he in his cap,I do all the work and he takes a nap!

The image of a yellow mop in a hand, isolated Stock Photo - 3908503

When out on the lawn, there arose such a clatter, that I sprang from the kitchen to see what was a matter!

Away to the window I crawled like a turtle.Dang you!-Playtex Girdle!

The moon on the new fallen snow gave a vision of a junk yard with the things left below.

Scrap metal waste is stored in a recycling yard waiting to be melted down to manufacture new products  Stock Photo - 13594827

When what to my wondering eyes did arrive? Aunt Millie and her nine kids ! Oh, my!

With a driver so drunk and so slow, that I knew in a moment, it must be Uncle Joe!

More rapid than Olympic runners the children piled out!

And then, how they did holler and how they did shout!

“Hey stupid!” 

“Hey dummy, you stepped on my toe !”

“Hey moron!” 

“Hey reject,now where did he go?”

To the top of the porch and on down through the halls!

Please, go away! Go away! Go away, all!

Illustration of Running Boys Stock Photo - 13340469

As, all is quite until a tornado passes by, no obstacle known to man could tame them once they got inside!

They ran down the front hall knocking  the pictures off from the walls!

The noise that they made could have awoken the dead!

But, we eventually, corralled them and sent them to bed!

I was just about to make some tea and sit down, when I remembered the present that I had left in town!

My clothes were all tarnished with cookies and gook, but there was no time to change;I’ d have to go as I looked!

I grabbed my keys, flung my purse on my back, and I looked like a bag lady in my stocking cap!

I ran through that mall in a mad women’s fury!

But, at last I found it! The last china doll for my little Mary!

I gunned the car, I was ready to go, but wouldn’t you know? Half way home my muffler fell off in the snow.

The officer let me go, the one with the belly, I had to get home my nerves where like jelly!

I walked into the house and laid my present on the shelf, when in walked my husband, Ralph.

He just stood there shaking his head.Oh, what more did I have to dread?!

He said that the Christmas Tree lights did not work, I had told him that last year-the jerk!

Now, Christmas is over they are piling back in the car, away flew Uncle Joe to nearest bar!

But, I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight,”If you made it through Christmas, then you did alright!”

I hope you and yours have a wonderful Christmas!

Advertisements

Author:

I am me and nobody else. One of a kind just like the rest of the world.

12 thoughts on “One Night Before Christmas.

  1. Twas 3 days before Christmas when I awake in a fright
    to find that a mouse had pooped on our bed last night
    I wish I could tell you this story weren’t true
    but then I would have to eat my shoe
    My hubby drove to town to buy a better mouse trap
    after I threatened to trade our Cattle dog in for a cat
    You will never again find me sleeping in that bed
    not even if sugar plums were to dance in my head!

      1. It happened yesterday. Last night I slept on the sofa, hubby on the recliner, and in our bedroom we had mouse traps all over the floor. This morning I checked… no mouse in any of the traps. Maybe I need to put the mouse trap up ON the bed, not UNDER it! Eww this is so totally gross. We don’t keep food in the bedroom, or lying around anywhere in the house, so what the heck was a mouse doing on our bed? I shudder to think.

        I don’t know if I will ever be able to sleep in a bed again. Yet another reason I’m glad we are moving to the west coast!

        Your poem is cute, Rachael. Obviously you had learned a lot from your 5 married siblings.

Got something nice to say, witty, silly, profound, demented, redundant or redundant? Go ahead make my day!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s