3 Of The Stupidest Christmas Songs Ever.

Christmas lights illustrated on a white background, christmas time Stock Photo - 9514302

First of all , I sincerely apologize to the insult your ears are about to receive.

I have complied a list of 3 of the stupidest Christmas song ever to mess with the sanity of Mankind and Womankind,too!

cute hippo cartoon Stock Photo - 15359905
No hippos ain’t suppose to be pink, but this kid is so clueless she won’t know the difference!

My first pick is: I want a hippopotamus for Christmas!

Although the cover art has nothing  to do with the song WTH?

Is she praying to the hippo or that gaudy tree?

Look at that hippo is he from the Alps or something?

He looks stoned, perhaps it was the only way they could dress him up in that alpine suite and get him to sit on a stool?

I could swear in the first stanza she is saying Dinky Dink Toy?-What in the world?

I always thought of the 50’s as a family friendly kind of era!

The chorus  to this song is very distributing!- I would not want that freaky kid creeping around the house anywhere, at anytime, for any reason!

The hippo is a vegetarian, that is what you got?- Great argument for feeling safe, you strange demented being you!

It can still bite your hand off, but being a vegetarian it would probably spit it out.That’s small comfort on the way to the ER.

Don’t let the ASPCA or PETA know about the hippo in that two car garage as they may disagree with your moronic belief that it is okay to keep a hippo in the garage standing in his own urine and feces, because a two car garage is definitely not big enough!

Forget the toys and other cool stuff-Just give me teeth!

On to number two:All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth.

I admit it, when I was a kid  I actually liked this song but kids are impressionable creatures and the more annoying something  is the better a kid will like it!

The fake whistle through out this song loses its charm real fast!

No kid,unless a complete moron and completely toothless, is going to ask for their two front teeth. Even in the ancient years of the 1950’s kids were smart enough to know the teeth would grow back!

I think he should have asked for a personality, because he seems to be devoid of one.

He wants to Wish you a Merry Christmas, which he does and then says he can’t?

I want to shake him real hard and say, “You just did, stupid!”

I have to admit to liking the silly sound effects in the middle cause I am strange that way.

But, what was all that sneezing about? Is the kid a toothless moron with a cold?

Near the end  of the song, the kid all but has a nervous break down about his inability to talk to Santa’s reindeers cause they can’t understand him?

Do Reindeer speak English?

Anyway, suck it up kid!– I understood you and you’re making a big deal out of nothing you pathetic loser!

happy Santa Claus face greeting vector illustration isolated on white background Stock Photo - 11082470
Just another fat man on the make!

Now last and most certainly the least: I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus:

Right about now you are most likely sensing a pattern: all kid songs ,all around the 1950’s, only the one above was recorded in 1963 ,but that is close enough!

What could be more disturbing to a kid than watching his mom make out with Santa Clause?

My theory of the good old days and its innocence is shattered!

Tickling  Santa under his bread-what kind a crap is that for a kid’s song!

Most kids would be trying to gouge their eyes out right about now, but not this sadistic brat she wants to see daddy witness the whole thing!

She will sit back and laugh while daddy cries his eyes out!-Nice!

Have any Christmas songs you just hate? Have you ever been scarred by seeing your mom or  your dad making out with Santa?

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Author:

I am me and nobody else. One of a kind just like the rest of the world.

27 thoughts on “3 Of The Stupidest Christmas Songs Ever.

  1. I’m glad you put the hippo song up, because would you believe I hadn’t heard of this one? Someone brought it up recently, and I said, “What song is that?” They looked at me like I was crazy. Of course, now that I listen to it, the melody sounds familiar, but it just wasn’t a song we sang at Christmas time. Which appears to have been a wise thing. 😉

      1. I can write while I walk on the treadmill. Which is what I’m doing now. Haven’t worked on my novel yet today, so I need to put in at least an hour. I try to do it in the morning before I open any social media but didn’t get a chance this morning.

      2. Well, it’s a very slow pace while I’m writing. Safety first. 🙂

        They actually have treadmill desks for people who work office jobs, but they are very expensive. Must avoid the “sitting disease”!

      3. I love the sitting disease! Not really I get restless easy!
        I can barely do one thing at a time though, so I still think-amazing!

    1. How in the heck do you write while you walk on the treadmill? I would fall down and break something for sure. We want a video of that, don’t we, Rachael?

      I mean, a video of Carrie walking and writing on a treadmill, not of me falling and breaking something. I fell about 8 and a half years ago while walking on the non-moving ground and broke 4 ribs, fractured my wrist in 2 places, split my sternum, and got a mild concussion. That was how my best-friend-hubby got me to marry him, when I was terrified of making yet another horrible matrimonial mistake – we got married while I was so doped up on pain meds that I didn’t know my own name! But with the exception of that nightmarish first 6 months when we were both freaked out waiting for the other shoe to drop, and so we were both trying to make the heartbreak hurry up and happen so we could get it over with and then go on with the rest of our lives, living alone and bitter and miserable as we both had expected we were going to have to do, our marriage has worked out GREAT! So I forgive him.

      1. Good luck on the novel! Now, your plugging your blog on mine! But, I’ll forgive you and expect a reply on your blog with a link back to mine in the near future! Paybacks are hell! (Joking of course!) Seriously, always happy to plug your most excellent blog! 😉

  2. In the first stanza she’s saying she doesn’t want a doll, no dinky Tinker Toy… I liked my Tinker Toys, you could build stuff with them that didn’t look like anything and didn’t do anything, either, but it was amuzing in the olden days before we had computers. My parents liked Tinker Toys, too, becuase they were much less expensive than the Lincoln Log sets that were in demand back then. This was prior to the Lego era, you understand.

    Do you realize that this creepy girl sings about giving her hippo his massage in the 2-car garage? YiKeS! I never noticed that part before, probably because I always tried really hard to tune this creepy girl’s voice out when her song came on the radio.

    Do you suppose they were going for the Worst Christmas Song Ever Award? Because it couldn’t be any worse if they tried! It’s so bad, it’s almost good. Kinda catchy, as a matter of fact…………….. OMG!!!! I have these stupid lyrics and that creepy kid’s voice stuck in my head now! Thanks a lot, Rach!!!!

    1. Hahaha! So, sorry would not have wished it on anyone and I agree with you this is possibly the stupidest Christmas song ever, but Santa Baby comes close!

      1. Eerie coincidence… I was just going suggest you add Santa Baby to the list.

        I wrote a Christmas song years ago. Unlike my Booger Delight rap song, my Christmas carol is actually good. If I do say so myself. Which I do. Now, I must go click on the link and see how Carrie writes while walking on a treadmill. I think I will lie down first, I’m afraid I’ll get dizzy watching it and fall off my chair.

      2. I didn’t get dizzy, I got jealous! I want a treadmill with a laptop shelf and a basement to put it in…. next house, that’s what I’ll get.

        Are we related? You know, I have wondered. Robinson, Holt, Tyler, Eisenhour, Beaver, Patrick, Bowman, and Wallen (variously spelled Waldon and Walling) are some of my family names. Any matches?

      3. Well..this hardly counts but my sons name in Patrick. Otherwise negative. I get jealous of the fact she has so many blog followers and gets so many comments! I’d write a pouty lip post about it, but I swore off feeling sorry for myself in public. I’m still going to eat chocolate and pout, just not going write a post about it!

  3. I absolutley HATE 12 days of Christmas. The Hippo song sucks also. Never minded the Mommy kissing Santa and I think that someone just thought the toothless kid was cute so they gave him a song to sing. I have two favorite Christmas songs: I’ll be home for Christmas and Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas. I just love the movie “Meet me in St. Louis” and the scene with this song makes me cry every time. I spent many Christmas’s in places I didn’t want to be and always wanted to be home.

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