Posted in The insane rants

Zombies Versus Vampires.

Halloween scenery with cemetery  illustration. Stock Photo - 9933163

It is that time of year again when goblins, ghosts, and other weirdos roam free.

It is the time of year when  young  short hooligans roam the streets, in gangs , going door to door begging for candy.

 It is also that time of year that brings  a slew of scary movies, two of the more popular being zombie and vampire flicks.

Portrait of a handsome young man with vampire style make-up. Shot in a studio. Stock Photo - 7992434
Never mind the fangs, won’t you please let me in?

Vampires are easy to spot because they are either wearing a black cape and formal evening clothes (Old school) or they have red freaky eyes and are as pale as an albino. (New school)

The fangs and the fact that they only come out at night should clue you in to their identity as well.

Being humanoid in nature and with no decaying limb problems, they are sometimes accepted by the living who are either nearsighted or just too ignorant to realize most people don’t wear capes or have fangs.

Cartoon zombie with brains exposed isolated on white Stock Photo - 10823876
I love you for your brains! Honest.

 Zombies, on the other hand cannot hide very well, there is just something not quite right about a group of strangers who’s decaying limbs keep falling off and who keep asking for, “More brains.” 

They just do not fit in with society norms.

So, on a scale from 1-10 in the  Fitting in with the Crowd Category: Vampires score a 1 possibly 2 and Zombies zilch!

Since both Vampires and Zombies are already dead, it all gets a little confusing at times.

It seems the undead are not all dead and to make them all dead you have to follow certain protocols.

Vampires can be killed by direct sunlight or they can have a wooden stake driven through their hearts.

Vampire in coffin - vector illustration. Stock Photo - 3667637
Why do you fools always show up at night?

My suggestion would  be , to go to the eerie castle in daylight when the vamp is sleeping, drag his coffin up from the dungeon, open that coffin in full sunlight and then drive a stake through his heart.

Of course, the idiots, in the movies go out at night and then have to wrestle an angry vampire who has 6 inch fangs and who is looking to chomp down on their stupid necks!

Vampires can also be repelled by garlic and are frightened by  crosses.

Furthermore, they cannot come into your house without being invited.

So,  if a pale man with red eyes and fangs dressed  in formal evening clothes comes to your door don’t let him in!

 As an extra safety measure, you may want to fashion a cross out of  garlic bulbs to wear around your neck.

Sea salt in the salt shaker on a blue background close-up Stock Photo - 14441633
A little salt never killed anyone-unless you are a zombie.

Zombies can be killed by a gun shot blast to the head or according to Wikipedia by feeding them salt.

If you have a gun and are a good shot, you have a pretty good chance of stopping the undead in their tracks.

If not , you are out of luck, but  you could try the  salt.

They like brains, so you could try mixing salt into the brains and leave it on the back porch for the zombies to chow down on.

But, depending on how many zombies there are you may need a whole truck load of brains, which could be hard to obtain in a short period of time.

I think it is fair to say that the Zombies would win in the: Hardest to Kill  Category scoring a 7-8  to a Vampires 3-4 .

funny cartoon brain Stock Photo - 10865278
Here you go zombies a nice fresh brain with just a sprinkling of salt.

They are awfully slow as well, but quite persistent and they usual work in large groups.

If you  and your friends are brave enough , you could try and tear them apart  limb by limb, it seems zombies tend to fall apart under pressure.

You would have to get the arms  torn off  the zombies before they could grab you, rip open your head and eat the contents, or it is a no go.

In the Most Frightening Category: Vampires ,would most likely, rate a 5-6  with   Zombies  scoring a 9-10. ( At least by my standards and since it is my blog, that is all that counts

So, if you have been keeping score ….Zombies would seriously kick some Vampire  butt.

cartoon zombie Stock Photo - 10824394
Hi, thanks for making me a winner, but I am still going to eat you.
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Author:

I am me and nobody else. One of a kind just like the rest of the world.

6 thoughts on “Zombies Versus Vampires.

  1. I’ve never understood the allure of vampires and zombies. I don’t mind watching a movie or two about them, but I really don’t like to read about them. I like real people in my books. That being said, I did manage to finally read “A Discovery of Witches.” I wanted to see what everyone was talking about and why it was a bestseller. It was good, but I probably won’t read the sequel. Vamps just don’t do it for me. But I like your comparison scale. 🙂

    1. I am not a big zombie fan..but I like the old school vampires-dressed to kill and so sophisticated.
      Anyway thanks for stopping by!

  2. Thanks for the tips, definitely useful stuff, I’ll be stockpiling salt and garlic like never before! Worst case scenario (if neither Zombies nor Vampires show up) I can make a very disgusting vegetable salad…

    I must also say I disagree with Zombies kicking Vampires’ ass – even though Zombies are more frightening to look at, Vampires have speed and brains (ha), while Zombies are just slow shambling walking piles of meat…

    1. Maybe it just my irrational fear of Zombies? I just think it is far easier to kill or repel a vampire. Just make a cross of garlic bulbs and they’ll hightail it out of there. They tend to be the only eerie castle on the block, so you always know where to find them, and so driving a stake through their slumbering heart, should be a snap! If you are smart and go in the daylight.
      And Zombies are not restricted to night time escapades only (ha) and there is something to be said about working in a large group, they tend to just keep coming.
      Since vampires tend to work alone, the zombies only have to deal with one vampire. Once the zombies eat the vampire’s brain what’s left?

      P.S. Remind me never to eat at your house. 😉

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